Topic: A funny joke for you

I was told about the Captian's parrot. Everywhere the Captain went he went until a magician came on board. Then every morning he was down watching the magician trying out his tricks in the theatre. Only problem was every night during the shows the parrot flew about the audience and shouted out its up his sleeve, or in his jacket pocket now night after night the magician got really fed up of the parrots antics but nothing he could do as he belonged to the Captain. Sadly the ship sank and low and behold the magician found himself on the same piece of floating board as the parrot. The looked at each other, day one not a word as for day 2;3;4 and on the 5th day the parrot said, I give up what have you done with the ship:D

After a road crash one of the injured is sitting at the side of the road, when a policeman walked over and said.

"Dont worry sir, a red cross nurse is on her way to see you"

"oh dear" the man said "could'nt I have a blonde cheerful one instead".

Murphy is walking down the road eating a bag of doughnuts. Paddy says "If I can guess how many doughnuts there are in your bag, can I have one?".
Murphy says "If you can guess you can have them both."
Paddy says "I guess four".

.
I used to dress off the peg, but my neighbours have started taking their washing in.

What goverment agency is responsible for finding missing vicars?
The Bureau of missing parsons.

Saliva drools O.K.
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QUOTE:

Murphy is walking down the road eating a bag of doughnuts. Paddy says "If I can guess how many doughnuts there are in your bag, can I have one?".
Murphy says "If you can guess you can have them both."
Paddy says "I guess four".

Ha Ha Ha........loved it. it had me laughing out loud.......and as my hubbie would say........that does't happen too often.

Young Paddy bought a donkey from a farmer for £100. The farmer agreed to
deliver the donkey the next day.

The next day he drove up and said, 'Sorry son, but I have some bad
news... The donkey's died.'

Paddy replied, 'Well then just give me my money back.' The farmer said,
'Can't do that. I've already spent it.'

Paddy said, 'OK, then, just bring me the dead donkey.' The farmer
asked, 'What are you going to do with him?'
Paddy said, 'I'm going to raffle him off.' The farmer said, 'You can't
raffle a dead donkey!'
Paddy said, 'Sure I can. Watch me.. I just won't tell anybody he's
dead.'

A month later, the farmer met up with Paddy and asked, 'What happened
with that dead donkey?'

Paddy said, 'I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two pounds apiece
and made a profit of £898'
The farmer said, 'Didn't anyone complain?' Paddy said, 'Just the guy
who won. So I gave him his two pounds back.'

Paddy now works for the Royal Bank of Scotland

QUOTE:

Young Paddy bought a donkey from a farmer for £100. The farmer agreed to
deliver the donkey the next day.

The next day he drove up and said, 'Sorry son, but I have some bad
news... The donkey's died.'

Paddy replied, 'Well then just give me my money back.' The farmer said,
'Can't do that. I've already spent it.'

Paddy said, 'OK, then, just bring me the dead donkey.' The farmer
asked, 'What are you going to do with him?'
Paddy said, 'I'm going to raffle him off.' The farmer said, 'You can't
raffle a dead donkey!'
Paddy said, 'Sure I can. Watch me.. I just won't tell anybody he's
dead.'

A month later, the farmer met up with Paddy and asked, 'What happened
with that dead donkey?'

Paddy said, 'I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two pounds apiece
and made a profit of £898'
The farmer said, 'Didn't anyone complain?' Paddy said, 'Just the guy
who won. So I gave him his two pounds back.'

Paddy now works for the Royal Bank of Scotland

That made me grin, thanks Shell :-)

At 3 a.m., on a cold, wet night, a man is woken by a banging on the door.
Standing shivering outside is a drunk, who says:"Will you give us a push?"
"At this time, and in the rain?" the man shouts, and slams the door in the drunk's face.
When he tells his wife the story, she says:"How unkind of you! Don't you remember when 2 cars stopped when we broke down, and they went out of their way to help us?"
So, grumbling, the man dresses, opens the door and shouts:"Do you still want a push?"
"Yes please" comes the faint reply.
The man steps into the road:"Where are you?"
"Over here."
So he goes round the corner:"I can't see you"
"Over here!"
"Where?"
"On the swing."

.
A bus carrying five passengers was hit up the back by a dustcart in Birmingham this week, by the time the police arrived at the scene, sixteen pedestrians had boarded the bus and were claiming whiplash injuries and back pain.
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A tiny little girl all curls and smiles, showing missing front teeth, comes into a pet shop, and lisps:
"Have you any wittle bunny wabbiths?"
The shopkeeper is delighted at this little charmer, and crouches down to her height and says:
Yes, we've got wittle white bunny wabbiths, fluffy wittle black bunny wabbiths, and tired, thleepy, wittle brown bunny wabbiths. Which bunny wabbit would you like?"
And the little girl says:
"Well, it'th for my pet thnake, and he doethn't give a toth!"