Topic: A funny joke for you

Some 'Senior' personal ads seen in ''the Villages'' Florida newspapers:
(Who says seniors don't have a sense of humor?)

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FOXY LADY:
Sexy, fashion-conscious blue-haired beauty,
80's, slim, 5'4' (used to be 5'6'),
searching for sharp-looking, sharp-dressing companion.
Matching white shoes and belt a big plus.


LONG-TERM COMMITMENT:
Recent widow who has just buried fourth husband,
and am looking for someone to round out a six-unit plot.
Dizziness, fainting, shortness of breath not a problem.


SERENITY NOW:
I am into solitude, long walks, sunrises, the ocean, yoga and meditation.
If you are the silent type, let's get together,
take our hearing aids out and enjoy quiet times.


WINNING SMILE:
Active grandmother with original teeth seeking a dedicated flosser
to share rare steaks, corn on the cob and caramel candy.


BEATLES OR STONES?
I still like to rock, still like to cruise in my Camaro on Saturday nights
-and still like to play the guitar!
If you were a groovy chick, or are now a groovy hen,
let's get together and listen to my eight-track tapes.


MEMORIES:
I can usually remember Monday through Thursday.
If you can remember Friday, Saturday and Sunday..
let's put our two heads together.


MINT CONDITION:
Male, 1932, high mileage, good condition, some hair,
many new parts including hip, knee, cornea, valves.
Isn't in running condition, but walks well.

.

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Do you know that if you walk into Sainsburys, stand in an aisle and scream at the top of your voice everybody looks at you as if your mad.

If you do exactly the same scream in an aircraft, everybody joins in!!
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Polish Divorce

A Polish man moved to the USA and married an American girl.


Although his English was far from perfect, they got along very well until one day he rushed into a lawyer's office and asked him if he could arrange a divorce for him.


The lawyer said that getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances, and asked him the following questions:

L: Have you any grounds?
P: Yes, an acre and half and nice little home.

L: No, I mean what is the foundation of this case?
P: It made of concrete.


L: I don't think you understand. Does either of you have a real grudge?
P: No, we have carport, and not need one.


L: I mean. What are your relations like?
P: All my relations still in Poland.


L: Is there any infidelity in your marriage?
P: We have hi-fidelity stereo and good DVD player.

L: Does your wife beat you up?
P: No, I always up before her.


L: Is your wife a nagger?
P: No, she white.


L: Why do you want this divorce?
P: She going to kill me.

L: What makes you think that?
P: I got proof.


L: What kind of proof?
P: She going to poison me. She buy a bottle at drugstore and put on shelf in bathroom. I can read, and it say: Polish Remover".

Hi Issyalex Glasgow, I don't know if it was you that sent me the Polish joke a short while ago,I tried to reply with a thank you but some how my reply was never sent Sorry about that. Enjoyed it.Keep them comeing if you have any more Thanks again Ralph

hilarious, read them all, was howling so loud the cat woke up and stalked off:D

Pleease keep posting

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I tried to build a dog house but I only had enough dogs to do three walls.
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We want a Badge.

QUOTE:

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I tried to build a dog house but I only had enough dogs to do three walls.
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We want a Badge.

QUOTE:

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I tried to build a dog house but I only had enough dogs to do three walls.
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We want a Badge.

Much laughter :D

Also liked Issy's Polish Remover!

The police have found the head of a female and they think it could belong to Paddy's missing girlfriend so they ring him and ask him to come to the station and identify it. When he gets there he is taken to a room and the policeman takes off the cover, picks up the head and holds it in the air and asks Paddy, "Is this the head of your girlfriend"?
Paddy frowns and ponders for a moment then replies,"no that can't be her, she wasn't as tall as that,"

I hadn't read the jokes for weeks until this evening. JC the Dublin City Council complaints were hilarious.
Another genuine tale. A friend's daughter and her husband live in France and a while back they were driving along in England. She was on her mobile phone when they were pulled over by a copper.
He said "Madam, do you realise that it is an offence to use a mobile phone while driving?"
Then he noticed she was the passenger in a left-hand drive car.