Topic: Actual questions asked to a Cruise Director....

This is a list of actual questions asked to a Cruise Director by passengers....

- If the pictures in the photo gallery aren't marked, how do we know which ones are ours? A: It's your face......

- Do these stairs go up or down?

- Is the water in the toilet fresh water or salt water...?
A: errrr....who cares, and i've never tasted it for 2 reasons, number one and number two!

- A man called the front desk first day at sea, "Send somebody down here to fix my microwave!" Before we could tell him there was no microwave in the room he'd hung up the phone so we sent someone down there and found a piece of bread in the safe.

Source: World's Biggest Cruise Ship, Nat Geo (next broadcast 13 Feb 2010)

Not to a cruise director, but the Captain. 'How quickly can you stop this ship? 'About a mile, but if we hit something, immediately. The only problem being the wheelchair users, They would keep going' (No offence to wheelchair users from me) The Captain said that. I think most able bodied folks would find themselves (Politety put, head over heels also) Carol.

The lady enquired of the Captain
"Where do all the crew go when they have finished their work?"
"We helicopter them home, my dear" was the reply.
Next day the lady collars the Captain to complain
"Those helicopters kept me awake all night"

Brian

Amazing! The same stupid questions keep being asked on ships all over the world. Do you think the cruise lines have a secret book? 'We will use page 245 this trip'. :D

I have already used one of my favourites on here but it's worth repeating:

A passenger asked the reception, There is a notice in my bathroom which states "please do not put foreign matter into the toilet bowl", now I notice my toilet paper is made in China, what do I do with it?

There was another which I can't quite remember but it was a question about what happens to the Ice Sculptures when the melt?

.....Neil

One for you guys.......
An engineer finally splurged on a luxury cruise to the Caribbean. It was the "craziest" thing he had ever done in his life. Just as he was beginning to enjoy himself, a hurricane roared upon the huge ship, capsizing it like a child's toy. Somehow the engineer, desperately hanging on to a life preserver, managed to wash ashore on a secluded island. Aside from beautiful scenery, a spring-fed pool, bananas and coconuts, there was little else. He lost all hope and for hours on end, sat under the same palm tree. One day, after several months had passed, a gorgeous woman in a small rowboat appeared. "I'm from the other side of the island," she said. "Were you on the cruise ship, too?" "Yes, I was," he answered. "But, where did you get that rowboat?" "Well, I whittled the oars from gum tree branches, wove the reinforced gunnel from palm branches, and made the keel and stern from a Eucalyptus tree." "But, what did you use for tools?" asked the engineer. "There was a very unusual strata of alluvial rock exposed on the south side of the island. I discovered that if I fired it to a certain temperature in my kiln, it melted into forgeable ductile iron. Anyhow, that's how I got the tools. But, enough of that," she said. "Where have you been living all this time? I don't see any shelter." "To be honest, I've just been sleeping on the beach," the engineer said. "Would you like to come to my place?" the woman asked. The engineer nodded dumbly. She expertly rowed them around to her side of the island, and tied up the boat with a handsome strand of hand-woven hemp topped with a neat back splice. They walked up a winding stone walk she had laid around a Palm tree. There stood an exquisite bungalow, painted in blue and white. "It's not much, but I call it home." Inside, she said, "Sit down, please; would you like to have a drink?" "No, thanks," said the engineer. "One more coconut juice and I'll throw up!" "It won't be coconut juice," the woman replied. "I have a crude still out back, so we can have authentic Pina Coladas." Trying to hide his amazement, the man accepted the drink, and they sat down on her couch to talk. After they had exchanged stories, the woman asked, "Tell me, have you always had a beard?" "No," the engineer replied, "I was clean shaven all of my life until I ended up on this island." "Well if you'd like to shave, there's a razor upstairs in the bathroom cabinet." The man, no longer questioning anything, went upstairs to the bathroom and shaved with an intricate bone-and-shell device honed razor sharp. Next he showered, not even attempting to fathom a guess as to how she managed to get warm water into the bathroom, and went back downstairs. He couldn't help but admire the masterfully carved banister as he walked. "You look great," said the woman. "I think I'll go up and slip into something more comfortable." As she did, the engineer continued to sip his Pina Colada. After a short time, the woman, smelling faintly of gardenias, returned wearing a revealing gown ashioned out of pounded palm fronds. "Tell me," she asked, "we've both been out here for a very long time with no companionship. You know what I mean. Haven't you been lonely, too...isn't here something that you really, really miss? Something that all men and woman need? Something that would be really nice to have right now! "Yes, there is!" the man replied, shucking off his shyness. "There is something I've wanted to do for so long. But on this island all alone, it was just...well, it was impossible." "Well, it's not impossible, any more," the woman said. The engineer, practically panting in excitement, said breathlessly: "You mean...you actually figured out some way we can CHECK OUR E-MAIL.!!"

Brian

Brian- there's no way I can top that!
We've just returned from the Celebration, and one day there was a Q&A session with the entertainment team. Everyone was asking sensible questions about training, previous experience etc. One man frantically waved, then asked "Is there an operating theatre on this ship?"
On the last night, the cruise director was praising the team for their good work, when again there was a frantic waving from a woman in the audience. He came down from the stage, and held out the mike.....to hear "My toilet's not working!" He managed to hold his thoughts in, tho' he did say "What a crap experience!" as he headed back to the stage.
Jo.

On our first cruise, we were in the lift and the captain got on at the next floor. I said "Oh no, who's driving the ship?" (as if he hadn't heard that one a million times!). He looked at my husband and they both shook their heads in pity. We had docked at Vigo about an hour earlier and were on our way down to catch our bus! Yes I felt a right twit!

oh I've had loads of corkers:

which way round does the loo flush? (which side of the equator are you on and secondly - who cares?''

'Do you have to pay to get off the ship?'' haha some holiday, a hostage ship!

I want a cabin with a window - 'yes, i can offer you a cabin with a large picture window and a clear view'. 'Oh no, I want a proper window'... oh, that is a proper window, although you cant open it' Oh, the travel agent told me it was just a picture of the sea on the wall.. AHH hahahahaaa

or... are the balcony cabins under sea level? (?? only if we are sinking!)